Nikolay (Kolya) Serga was the singer and author. He is a Russian pop artist who also hosts a TV show about travel. It’s an anti-Russian sung in Russian—unsurprising in a country where most know Russian and many, including I believe President Zelensky, spoke it in preference to Ukrainian for most of their lives—and of course it’s hard to fully appreciate in English. This is a translation. Although I do not have the ability to accurately translate the song in its entirety, I attempted to use a few lines. The song was also intended to be humorous.
These footnotes give some explanations of cultural terms (though I’m certain I’ve overlooked others) as well as some changes that I made to the translation. While they’re not part of the song themselves, the closing and opening lines can be seen on the video. They provide framing but are not essential. Please let me know if you have any suggestions or corrections for the translation.
The trident[5]As a skewer
We will stick the two-headed Eagle.[6]
The imperial infected is now!
The body of the planet will be gone[7]
Tver,[8]Insta: The housewife takes on Instagram
Examining the gaps in political shows
Crimea, Donbass: The verdict
After you have salted the chicken soup
It isn’t clear, however, if it will be the last.
From now, it’ll be crackers
Dor-dor-dor-dor-dor-dor
We’ll get through the horde
Use the trident as a skewer
We will stick the two-headed Eagle.
The imperial infected is now!
The body of the planet will be gone
Putin sitting in his bunker
Playing with your suitcase[9]
You can either use the sanctions spits
Biden, he’ll growl
Click the button.
Close the latch on the bunker
His warhead
His underwear is ripped off
Dor-dor-dor-dor-dor-dor
We’ll get through the horde
Use the trident as a skewer
We will stick the two-headed Eagle.
The imperial infected is now!
The body of the planet will be gone
Kuril Islands[10]They
“Arigato[11]”Loudly proclaim!”
In Siberia, “ni-hao“
They want to be able to say, “Good day!”
In Koenigsberg[12]German
There is a coup in Chechnya
Moscow is also on the parade[13]
It will be played every time you hear it.[14]
“Shche ne vmerla Ukraini
I slava i volia.”[15]
Dor-dor-dor-dor-dor
We’ll get through the horde
Use the trident as a skewer
We will stick the two-headed Eagle.
The imperial infected is now!
The body of the planet will be gone
{[Spoken:]Ukraine: Glory
Bravo to all the heroes[16]
Russian warship
Fuck your self![17]}
[1]Literally it means “Van’ka”, which, roughly speaking, is to Ivan (the Russian equivalent of John) as Johnny is to John.
[2]Original: “Leave him body forever”
[3]The original was “as beautiful wheat,” but I think it is more accurate. Refers to the Ukrainian soldier who was bravely offered sunflower seeds by her to him. The flower would then bloom once his remains were buried in Ukrainian soil.
[4] Likely a reference to the Mongols’ Golden Horde—the word “horde” is a Turkic word that was specifically used for the Mongols before it became a generic term in the West. Ukraine is very proud of the Mongol invasion which decimated Ukraine’s first Russian kingdom.
[5]Ukrainian national symbol
[6]Russian national symbol
[7]Here, I am not trying to rhyme or use meter.
[8]This is probably a Russian provincial city.
[9]The suitcase is most likely the famous suitcase with nuclear weapon codes and the button that launches the nuclear weapons.
[10]The Far East includes Russian islands, some of which Japan claims.
[11]It’s written in the original as “konichiwaBut I did not say that, and instead took liberty for the sake o meter.
[12]Koenigsberg once belonged to a significant German East Prussian town. Immanuel Kant lived there and its bridges were featured in the famous graph theory problem that Leonhard Euler solved. Kaliningrad is the capital of that small Russian region you can now see between Poland and Lithuania. Trouble is just around the corner.
[13] In the original, “on Victory Day,” the celebration of the victory over the Nazis—still a major holiday both in Russia and, I understand, in Ukraine.
[14]The original “sings the hymn with no accent,” but it is more effective. I think I can get a rhyme in there.
[15]The Ukrainian national anthem’s opening lyrics are “Ukraine’s glory, freedom and independence is still alive”
[16]Ukrainian patriotic slogan and official salute for the Ukrainian armed forces.
[17]Refers to Ukrainian soldiers’ resistance to Russian forces refusing surrender to them.